My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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