Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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