she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
