can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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