The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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