Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
