So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
