You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
