Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
