Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
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