I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
