The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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