Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i drank out of a bidet.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
