i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
