you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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