honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Four minutes until I can fart!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
