I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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