The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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