i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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