you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
