I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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