After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
