After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
