At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
