This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
So vagazzling was a success
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
