Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
