im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
