dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
