do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
