Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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