My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You need a sexual gate keeper
So much Jack, so little girl.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
