Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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