I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
