Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
