The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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