If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
