Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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