I'm gonna have a badass scar
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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