For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
So much Jack, so little girl.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
