just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
