things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
where are you?
Hypothermia
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
