where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
