I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
