considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
