They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
