Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
