Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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