i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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