I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
