how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
