ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i think i just lost a toe
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
