well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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