ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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