I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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